Buccaneer Blue’s website

Serving yourself with your parody is a start. But if you stop there, its name is history.

Below is a list of Comic Five parodies that have subsequently been replaced by Black Pearl Crew parodies. The terms used to explain what was wrong with these parodies are explained on the list of problem parody types.

Disclaimers

Before you read any of the following, it must be made clear that these parodies are entirely meaningless. They may cause serious harm to anyone who does not understand that, especially to fans of the crew of the Flying Dutchman. They were written at a time when I was under the desensitizing influence of a video game, which I have since snapped out of. I no longer agree with these words of mine, if I ever did. Every time you read something attacking those mutants on this page, which is a lot, know that I disown it, too. I only share them to provide examples of what not to do.

It should also be noted that with the exception of Lego Pieces of Eight and Old War, none of the following parodies are actually on my site. The links placed on their titles instead lead to the pages for the original songs.

Singles

Snowblind (Written June 2012) (Not enough change: content was: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, the vileness it showed me scares me so. Getting over the disgust is very tough, but now the drugs . . . (and it did not include the entirety of the song))

You Give Homo Oceani a Bad Name (Written July 2012) (Killing spree: content was: Shoot them through the heart and be to blame, matey you give Homo oceani a bad name. . .)

You Give the Ocean a Bad Name (Written fall 2012) (Waste: content was: What a stupid heart and you’re to blame, Disney you give the ocean a bad name. Complete weirdness is what you sell. . .)

Don’t Show Anything to Me (Written February 2013) (Non-improvement: content was: Sunk down mutant pirates are offensive and are dumb going down, using a ship like a submarine . . .)

Do Stop the Creepin’ (Written Spring 2013) (Killing spree)

Thing in the Wilderness (Written around Christmas 2013) (content was: Another year has passed us by, still after disgust, we sigh, what kind of thing did that become? . . .)

Love is a Big Blight (Written early 2014) (Fan fiction: content was: The time is now to wreak my vengeance on Squidbeard, and I know how . . .)

Lego Pieces of Eight (They could actually be published for once. This time.)

Parody albums

The Five usually kept to parodying by album since which song was next in an album was often all they could decide what to do next based on. Thus, most of their parodies fall in this section. (Parody singles from the Crew are more common, since those characters can determine the suitability of a song from its own merits.)

Paradise Theater, first attempt (Summer 2012)

Making the Paradise (Written circa August 2012) (Fan fiction: content was: Whatcha doing tonight? Well have you heard Squidbeard. . .)

Too Much Powder On His Hands (Written July 2012) (Fan fiction: content was: Yeah he’s sitting on that organ stool playing like a damn fool and has the mutiny blues . . .)

Squidbeard Never Goes As Planned (Written July 2012) (There is no such character in the PotC world)

The Worst Of Times (Written July 2012) (Non-improvement: content was: Tonight’s the night we could be history, Will, you and I, cause I’ll take any risk, even being lost to time. . .)

Lowly Creatures (Written circa August 2012) (content was: My torch was hot, the monsters were annoying, so our kind hid their eyes, the Homo sapiens stood in silence, fighting back was wise, we were relieved to lose our memories of tentacles dangling down . . .)

Unsuitable for canonicity though it was, I always thought this (above) was one of the better Comic Five parodies. The fact that the Black Pearl Crew parody of the song has the same title reflects this.

Nobody Cares (Written circa August 2012) (Fan fiction: the first thing it mentioned was Squidbeard)

Snowblind (Written July 2012) (Nonsense: content was: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, the way it showed me scared the enemy so. These glass bottles do not contain real stuff, but the salt looks close enough . . .)

Half Squidbeard, Too Much Squidbeard (Written July 2012) (Nonsense: content was: Half Squidbeard, too much Squidbeard, gold stud, none can deny it, Squidbeard is a dud, bad story, old story of his invasion of land . . .)

Kilroy Was Here, first attempt (Fall 2012)

Mr. Barnacle (No character is called that)

Old War (This one actually was publishable, but has to be out of canon, as it is not PotC-related)

Die Time (Nonsense: content was: I flip the switch on my air flow, but there’s the thing staring back at me. He starts to speak in a voice so surprising in that it sounds just like my breed. . .)

White Powder Poisoning (Nothing that happens in the PotC world fits this description)

Disgusting Life (Nonsense: content was: Squidbeard in the dark all alone but nobody has invented the telephone, as the Comic Five will tell you, burning the mutants is the thing to do. . .)

Do Let It End (Killing spree: content was: I am the normal man with this torch in hand, I’ll do my best and try to make the sea monsters die, make them die. . .)

American Idiot, first attempt (Winter 2012-13)

I knew this would happen! The Comic Five turned every single song you like off of American Idiot into a merciless attack on Davy Jones, except Whatsername! Get rid of them all!

I am afraid the Whatsername parody was also intended to troll Jones, sir.

Was it? I thought it covered a rather original topic.

I am afraid so, sir. I have removed the whole parody album from the canon.

Homo Oceani Idiot (Written July 2012) (Fan fiction)

Jesus of Suburbia parody (Written late 2012, the five parts of the song are covered as follows)

Can’t Be a Sea Monster (Non improvement: content was: I will show you how to make love, can’t be a sea monster with the tentacles of a squid above a slimy chest with a cavity of heartless emptiness. . .)

Species of the Damned (Killing spree: content was: To the center of the earth with the barnacled lot who thought that our torches were hot. . .)

I Can’t Bear It (Broken meter)

My Dear Human (Mismatch: content was: My dear human, are you listening? Crazy talk drowned out what you were saying. . .)

Killings of a Disgusting Homo (Nonsense: content was: If air and water are what you breathe, the combination is a tragedy, to burn, to burn away the powder of the beast, and I leave behind this hurricane of barnacle fries. . .)

Killing Day (Written late 2012) Non improvement: content was: Hear the sound of the screams of pain, gotta set your torches aflame, hey, the shame, the one who got a fried brain. . .)

Boulevard of Broken Squidbeard (Written July 2012) (Nonsense: content was: I attack a lowly road, the worst one that I have ever known. . .)

Captain Jack (Written late 2012) (Mismatch: that does NOT sound like St. Jimmy!)

He’s My Existence’s Bane (Written late 2012) (Waste: content was: Took away the monsters inside, horrible creatures in a ship, the noise from the pipe organ stole my mind. . .)

He’s Disgusting (Written December 2012) (Mismatch: that does NOT sound like She’s a Rebel!)

Curious Girl (Written December 2012) (Mismatch, not to mention a waste)

Brain Was Gone (Written January 2013) (Killing spree: content was: Nobody likes you, everyone detests you, they all want to kill you, it has to be done. . .)

Homecoming parody (Written early 2013)

(Non improvement: content was: My heart must beat from me, if it sat on its own, it should not be able to beat. . .)
Trying to Get to Sleep (Non improvement: content was: The fool was unaware, the fool was unaware, was anybody aware when. . .)
What’s Wrong With You (Nonsense: content was: He fell asleep while it was a bright and sunny day in the Caribbean and a crewman made it clear that something was wrong by putting his hand. . .)
Medical Help to Lend (Nonsense: content was: I think we should go to land, I cannot lead a normal life, see if. . .)
He’s All Alone Again (Nonsense: content was: But no, he had to overheat until he lost respect for his own heartbeat, it was such a mistake to stay down underneath a sheet, he was dumb to be going nowhere. . .)

That Captain (Written early 2013) (Mismatch)

Kilroy Was Here, second attempt (Spring-summer 2013)

The Five decided to do the two concept albums by Styx again upon realizing that because different things were going on in the strip now, their first parodies of those albums were no longer relevant. A good plan, except that these new parodies were no less closely tied to contemporary strips, so in the end, they just ended up having the exact same fate. Progress was made only once the Black Pearl Crew taught that the parodies should be the inspiration for what to do in the strip, not the other way around.

Mr. Tentacles (Nobody calls him that)

Homo War (Too scientific for the old-fashioned setting)

Bye Time (Fan fiction: content was: I chase Homo oceani across Mexico and they. . .)

Aquatic Monster Poisoning (It did not make use of the criticizing of music like its successor does)

Secure and Redeem This Night (content was: This could be the grossest night in recorded history, and as for sleep, you may well just cross it off the list of possibilities, cause Homo . . .)

Double Life (It was about the cartoonist, which was me, meaning it could only be sung by my characters, not to mention being far too topical to publish)

Amusement’s End (Fan fiction: content was: I had gotten plans for amusement park rides at hand, they included the plunge to fry . . .)

Paradise Theater, second attempt (August-September 2013)

Preventing Heart Misplacement (Clearing Paradise Up) (Mismatch)

Too Much Crime to Our Land (Fan fiction: it was about Squidbeard)

Companies Never Go As Planned (Fan fiction: it was about an attempt to deal with Squidbeard)

Lowly Movies (Mismatch: content was: With a painful plot, the characters were empty, so the audience hid their eyes, the movie house stood in silence as fans of good movies kissed it goodbye. . .)

She Doesn’t Care (Fan fiction: content was: When we did things over and over, we did not end up being what Elizabeth expected, she wanted more activities selected. . .)

Go Blind (Non improvement: content was: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, the face you show me cannot be gross, not that the enemy is tough. . .)

Half Camping, Too Much Camping (Off topic subject: content was: Half camping, too much camping, spend gold studs, even if you blow riches, do not go with a Fox man, the bad story is the whole story. . .)

All right, I will explain this one. The easy reference is, gold studs are a form of currency in LEGO video games. The difficult reference to explain is to a comic strip called Fox Trot, which is about a family with the last name of Fox. One of the personality traits of the father of the Foxes, Roger, is poor vacation planning skills. He is the only member of the family who likes to camp out, and often does so in unappealing places - one of his campgrounds was in the middle of the desert, another was the (fictional) most mosquito-infested place on Earth. The inspiration for this parody was that I was about to go on a vacation that would no doubt be much better than camping with Roger Fox.
These tie-ins to my real life were fun for me and my readers, hence the fact that they happened. However, I eventually ceased them upon realizing that they posed great problems. We never saw the Five reading or hearing about Fox Trot in any way, so how did they know who the Foxes were? By the same token, how did they know what my travel plans were? Also, why did they care? Obviously it meant a lot to me and the real people who came along, but all my creations really need is for me to have access to pencils, paper, and a flat surface to work on. So long as I have that, what difference does it make to them where I draw them? (It should also be noted that none of my trip destinations were even remotely tropical, let alone Caribbean, nor did they have much to do with the 18th century, so the Five were indiscriminate to look for material in them.)

Dookie, first attempt (Mid 2014 unless otherwise noted)

Untitled parody of Long View (Waste: content was: Cannot sit around and watch the tube with this junk on, must change the channel from pirate film 2. . .)

You’re Welcome to Spare My Eyes (Non improvement: content was: Dear creator, can you hear me whining. . .)

Untitled parody of Pulling Teeth (Waste: content was: Everything all messed up, no chilled bones at the final cut, bad scripts will happen, but this time are not fixed up. . .)

Untitled parodying of Basket Case (Multiple subject disordering)

We (Mismatch: content was: We, we scream at ugliness, almost riot at our. . .)

Untitled parody of Sassafras Roots (Written spring 2013) (Broken meter: content was: Roaming around the place, making mistakes all the time, no information, just making mistakes all the time, when those sea monsters are alone, they make mistakes all the time, when. . .)

When I Spaz Around (Caricature of Jack Sparrow based on the Lego video game)