I want you to understand.
Below are answers to various questions visitors might have about my site.
Q: Why do you not allow comments?
A: The answer is simple. I would have to deal with all kinds of horrible things if I did. People would insult me for no reason, demand I pander to them, tell me and other commenters how wrong we were in subjective matters where nobody is or is not right, and the like. I wrote the site knowing perfectly well not everyone would find it appealing, and the best way for those people to deal with the fact is to simply avoid the site.
I have to say, as amazing as the internet can be, it is also the best friend of just about every kind of inappropriateness that you can imagine. I have personally estimated that 95 percent of everything on the web adds nothing to the world - be it trolling, vandalism, spam, or just not helpful or interesting. It is an uneven distribution, however - everything on my site is part of that precious 5 percent. And as long as it can only be written by me, it will stay that way.
Q: Why do you use categories of songs by some artists and not for others?
A: I only create a category for songs if I know it will include songs from more than one album. For example, I only have one Gin Blossoms album, which means a complete list of songs by them I have parodied already appears on the page for that album, so it would be redundant to make a whole category page just to repeat a sliver of the information from that album page.
Q: I had a problem viewing your site on a mobile device. Can you fix it or give me advice?
A: I am aware that my site is not the best designed for mobile devices. I am sorry, call me a dinosaur, but I never surf the web on anything with a touch screen, so it is easy for me to overlook things.
I know I should not exclude mobile users and will do whatever I think will help them, but I would like to point out that there are no particular special reasons to read my site on a mobile device. There are no pictures or videos to show anyone, no audio tracks to play, and no information (e.g. on restaurants or tourist attractions) that would help someone on the go. It consists mainly of funny, made up lyrics to sing to the tunes of existing songs, and advice on how to make other people laugh. Therefore, my site is probably best read at home, anyway.
Q: Why is Pirates of the Caribbean always the theme for your parodies?
A: I can give several reasons for this.
First, that franchise is what I trained myself with. Seeing connections it could have to songs is how I get ideas, and I can see the PotC in any song anyone could see it in. I have not versed myself in coming up with parodies about anything else - and if I can think of such a thing, that might mean anyone could, and I would not want to write something so obvious.
Second is audience considerations. Only some people will get most of my parodies, but they are based on only one movie franchise, and one of the more widely known ones at that. This ensures that I can achieve niche appeal without sacrificing too much potential audience.
Third, one definite advantage of writing parodies about PotC is that it is at least partly relatable. Chock full of liberties taken with history and physical impossibilities though it is, it is based on a real time period, and deals with some things the likes of which have been experienced through much of history. Examples include sailing ships, lost love, wanting to be free, and father-son tragedies. All of those themes are enough a part of real-world humanity that more than one popular artist has used them for songs. This makes PotC much easier to write song parodies about than out of this world/fantastical franchises like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, which are so far removed from anything real that almost no song has much in common with them.
Q: I hate Davy Jones! Is there no thing or one else you can write about?
A: It is not like I like him either, and my parodies reflect on this and why. I just pick what works with the song, and he often happens to be it. For example, songs about bad relationships are not uncommon, and of course those have his name written all over them. After all, possibly the single most important thing a parodist has to realize is that you cannot just make any song about anything. That is why I resort to him as often as I do, but sometimes is also a reason not to choose him. There is a good-sized minority of songs from which he is absent, and even when he does appear, he may be beside the point rather than being the main subject.
At least, that is how it is with the sensible Black Pearl Crew. If you want to know why the Comic Five just took a song regardless of what it was originally about and made it about whatever was on their minds at the time, which was almost always the things they claimed they hated, I cannot help you with that.
Q: When you parodied the album The Grand Illusion, why did you pass over Come Sail Away?
A: That song is not on my iPod, as its first half is too slow and its second half is too repetitive. Also, there are two points I wish to make about it.
First, if I did include it on my list of songs to describe PotC, I would not accomplish anything in doing so. Anyone could have done that, partly because it is so obvious but also because most people who know any Styx at all know the song. As someone who would rather set trends than follow them, I prefer more obscure songs and more subtle connections. If I can relate a song to something others had not thought of, or a PotC fan reads what I have to say about a song they do not know and think Oh man, I have to hear this,
that gives me a distinction.
Second, what am I actually supposed to do with Come Sail Away? Much of it already says the kind of things my parodies often say, and what is not there already is a problematic section about space aliens.
It is admittedly ironic and counterintuitive that Come Sail Away is not appearing on my site, and I have always expected some strong reactions to that fact, but in reality, I do not think I missed anything.
Q: You made a parody album of American Idiot and left out Wake Me Up When September Ends? But it is about a father-son tragedy. Can you not work with that?
A: It is a pretty depressing song that I do not wish to ever listen to again - or read the lyrics for. And from what little I remember of it, I am pretty sure I am not missing anything there. Summer end is coming fast
does not happen in the Caribbean, September is a difficult word to rhyme, and Bootstrap Bill is not dead. Considering these things, it easily seems the song could be as low as a 2 on the fodder ratings.
Besides, plenty of songs suit the Turners better. Any sad song about a living father is an improvement. Anyone who thinks a PotC themed songwriter needs to parody When September Ends has surely never read this page, this page, or this page.
Q: I recognize some of the artists you have done, but the individual songs? They are all obscure and ancient! Why not do hits, recently released music, or both?
A: I do not feel the need to cover songs all the fans of the respective artists already know (like the above two entries say about why must Come Sail Away be on my site if every Styx fan already knows that one, and the similar argument about how every Green Day fan already knows Wake Me Up When September Ends). Not being mainstream is fine if you, like me, are only trying to please yourself, after all. I know I would need to pick songs familiar to the general public if I was getting paid for my parodying, but it is a hobby, not a career, so I can do anything I want.
As for picking old songs, part of it is simply not getting much exposure to what is currently popular, but one certain advantage of songs that have been around for decades is that audiences (myself included) may have had more time to get to know them well.
Q: Any other reasons for picking the songs from the decades you do?
A: I may be described as picking ancient songs, but there are limits. It is of interest to note that I have not done anything prior to the 1970s. I suspect this is because that was the decade in which rock more or less settled into its presently recognizable form, having established during that decade a standard by which 1950s and 60s rock was not very rocky. Prior to the 1970s, rock music was quite different from how we know it today. Songs were very short, early rock instrumentation was at least as, quite possibly more, standardized than in later decades (and unlike the instruments of any of the sub-genres that developed from the 1970s onwards), lyrics were written under different influences. Songs that old are also not particularly accessible these days, in general. The Beatles and The Rolling Stones are two bands from the 1960s who are still popular today, but they are the only immediately obvious (to me anyway) major remembered ones from that decade. The 1950s will always be remembered for Elvis, but actually playing music from that decade is certainly not mainstream these days. A few songs from World War II are still known, if not played under normal circumstances, but the music of the 1930s is virtually unknown to most people today (myself included) and now that I think of it, I do not believe I know any songs from the postwar portion of the Forties either.
This is not to say things have not changed since the Seventies, however. For example, a music sub-genre that became major in the 1970s, but whose likes are rarely heard outside this decade, was progressive rock (commonly shortened to prog rock
). This form of rock was of an experimental nature, known mostly for combining features of rock and classical music, and for having a tendency toward very long songs (up to half the length of an entire album in some cases). While instruments typically used in rock dominated, an individual prog rock song might use almost any instrument imaginable. The band Styx dabbled in prog rock during their early days. Given my not being a big prog rock fan, the Styx songs I have done are usually fairly conventional (except Kilroy Was Here, though that album is unconventional in a completely different way), but a notable exception was the rare appearance of a pipe organ (see the glossary).
The one thing I can give prog rock from a parodying perspective, however, is that the lyrics are known to not always be literal, and the metaphors can give you material you never would have expected (like how I can claim to know You’ll sail eternally
to be an actual lyric).