Do the Comic Five really have any advice to offer, or are they just carrying on?
A sort of fictionalized take on my parodying the Styx album Cornerstone.
Some select characters from the Lego Pirates of the Caribbean video game, dubbed the Comic Five, were standing only for their game, allowing no memento of the movies the game was based on.
It got even more arbitrary. You could make a Lego version of an aristocratic, naval, or otherwise lawful character and the whole lot of them would ignore it. Their employer focused her attention on the crew of the Flying Dutchman, struggling to determine anything useful about them, unleashing her armed forces upon them. Therefore that was all the Five accepted as enemies. Even so, they thought no one was dangerous to beings as great as them.
Earlier, however, everyone had agreed on one thing: which album to parody next.
There was the Lego Jack Sparrow, though he also called himself Jack Spasm, and his group that crashed everything, because that was the video game way, but especially Davy Jones, or, as they called him, Squidbeard.
But I want our voice to be heard, too,
the non-Lego Jack said as he leaned in close to his employer.
To find the right places to be, with no faces that are awful to see,
said the parody the real Black Pearl Crew were writing of Lights. It was subtly different from what their counterparts would have done, but definitely different. They would not try to escape sea creatures, not even the Kraken. Oh, no, that made far too much sense for Jack Spasm. All he ever wanted was for someone to hear him, no matter what.
Oh, what a character he was.
The sound of Comic Five songwriting was returning on the parody What a Freak,
which could possibly be attributed to Lego Will. He mentioned Elizabeth, just for the sake of it. Of course, that was obsessive. It got worse if you tried to talk any sense into him.
How do you navigate? With a sextant, or astrolabe?
No, you just turn the wheel and you end up wherever the Lego game wants you to!
Made their counterparts face palm.
Incessant and about as soft metaphorically as they were physically, the plastic pirates struck again.
Better say never will we fail to save the day,
whoever took control of the rudder said. The Crew and Buccaneer Blue were fine with that part, but parts of the parody were discordant to their ears - not working with the heart in the hand, arbitrarily switching character viewpoints around. Such things were clearly of Comic Five planting.
You. You’re going to let us do what you didn’t. Let us do something not at all arbitrary!
said a smiling pirate.
The Five would not turn Boat on a River dark, oh no. Not with their counterparts around. Jack Sparrow was fighting the Five off, letting lyrics about a sailor going to a town square be written instead. It was wonderful, thought everyone who ever thought anything was wonderful.
No Lego wound up at Borrowed Time, either. Just a sort of real pirate. He, or she, did not have to be identified exactly, just that his or her work was complete promptly and satisfyingly. The real Elizabeth was certainly all for it.
Not so affected was Jack Spasm, however.
The Comic Five threw a reader just what he had expected: Worst Time.
It was an attack on the antagonist that drifted off to insult Disney, and the rest was history.
Non-Lego characters turned green. But not the employer. The Five would not let her, and convinced her it was justified by her dislikes.
They did not get more of the same. Not today. A parody of the song Eddie ensued, in which the viewpoint character enjoyed the morning while he could. Saved his wailing for when he needed it, for when the enemy was up and playing.
Lego Pirates had been held back for a time, but now they were descending from the ceiling, on to parody one of the songs their readers were learning. They thought it the kind of adventure they could have fewer of, but they thought they had to. All those barnacles had to burn, every melody their cartoonist so wished given this treatment.
And so we shall sing about how love is a big blight,
said Jack Spasm. He was the Jack who wanted to show off. The other Jack had been getting in his way, but when mermaids’ interference or anything else waylaid the Crew, the Five went rampant.
Who knew why the Comic Five did anything, but they all knew what the next album would be.
The two versions of Jack will have really different priorities this time!