Here is what my difficult experiences taught me.
After extensive research on 5th edition Dungeons and Dragons monsters, I decided that its terms and formats could be handy for describing what the supposed protagonist of a video game turned into for me. For one thing, he would have to say chaotic evil
plain as day.
It should be noted, however, that this page was not written with the intention of Jack Spasm actually being played in a game. Therefore, he does not have as many hard and fast rules or definitions as a real D&D creature. If you decide to use him in your campaign, you will have to decide some particulars for yourself.
Disclaimer: We were going to continue the mash-up, but stepped away after starting a statistics block with Davy Jones: Medium monstrosity, neutral evil
and came back to find Jack Spasm changing it to Squidbeard: Tiny construct, evil.
We tried to explain that you need to choose between lawful, neutral and chaotic evil, and Jack Spasm, in a statement of pure arrogance, tried to tell us that all evil should be the same.
Jack Spasm is a petty entity with no physical prowesses, but through mental effects takes position as the Demon Prince of Humor, the Demon Lord of Slapstick, and (his cartoonist would argue) the Plagiarism Lord. Despite these titles, however, he himself is never amused by anything. Rather, he has recognized that others will want him if he makes them laugh, and so attempts to be funny to them, although the fact that his goal is to invoke an emotional response he never has means his efforts are naturally fraught.
Jack Spasm is notable for being totally incapable of original thought. This is reflected by the fact that the form he chooses to take looks exactly like a LEGO figure of Jack Sparrow, even though he cannot be bothered to learn the first thing about the individual he pretends to be. Every decision or opinion he comes up with has to be influenced by what someone else said or did. This lack of creativity forces him to associate with others for ideas - unfortunately for whoever those others may be, as the reward for helping him is a demand for doing it again every single day.
Jack Spasm is an uptight monomaniac whose motivation is an obsessive fear of death - not because he really understands what it means to die, but because life generally makes survival out to be its own reward. He hoards anything he thinks will keep him in the spotlight and therefore alive, completely unconcerned by its effects on anyone else. The entirety of his brainpower is dedicated to manipulating others into keeping him around, with about the only thing he is honest about being that he thinks everyone should do as he says. He is a compulsive liar, even by demon standards, and nearly all his methods involve some kind of fabrication, from always hiding his true intentions to consistently picking different original songs in order to distract from the fact that most of his parodies basically say the same thing.
Utterly inhuman, Jack Spasm is an incomprehensible, even alien creature who shows no signs of ever having any positive emotions. He is a cruel, cowardly entity who regards anything or anyone that can replace him and his sidekicks in any way as a threat to his existence. Almost everything is anathema to him, yet he has no gratitude for any help he has received.
Tiny fiend (demon), chaotic evil
Cowardly Nature. Jack Spasm has disadvantage on saving throws against being frightened.
Return to Existence. When Jack Spasm is reduced to 0 hit points, he appears to fall to pieces which promptly vanish. He reappears immediately in a space adjacent to the nearest creature afflicted with the Madness of Jack Spasm. If no creatures are affected by his madness, he stays dead.
Sword. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach whatever is the equivalent of 5 feet at his tiny size and in his realm, one large. Hit: 1 (1d4 -1) slashing damage.
Torch. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach whatever is the equivalent of 5 feet at his tiny size and in his realm, one target. Hit: 2 (1d4) fire damage.
Conjure Puppet. Jack Spasm chooses an unoccupied space he can see but that no other creature (except other Comic Five members) can. A puppet the size of Jack Spasm, resembling a Lego version of a Flying Dutchman crew member, appears on the space. It always takes its turn right before Jack Spasm does and has the same statistics as him, except that it has no weapons and can breathe underwater. Jack Spasm can make the puppet walk and speak through its mouth as if it were his body, but always makes it act as if it is an invader, having it say things such as insulting comments towards the Comic Five or meaningless complaints about things the cartoonist
likes. The puppet lasts until a Comic Five member kills it, which usually happens very quickly, or if Jack Spasm is permanently killed, at which point all puppets vanish. If a humanoid witnesses the destruction of the puppet, it must succeed on a DC 10 Wisdom saving throw or descend into a madness determined by the Madness of Jack Spasm table. On a successful save, the creature cannot gain a form of madness from witnessing this event for the next 30 days. Mistakes may be made when taking this action that can help give it away. For example, if a puppet that resembles Davy Jones walks on land before being destroyed, and the witness knows Jones can only walk on dry land once a decade, add 5 to the result of the saving throw.
Jack Spasm’s realm has no name, party because he lacks the creativity to give it one, but mostly because he always disguises it as someplace else, usually the Caribbean, and attempts to convince others it really is that place. However, since he lacks basic knowledge about so many things, as well as the inclination to gain it, he is prone to faulty details such as erroneously depicting a temperate cycle of seasons in a supposedly tropical place.
On initiative count 20 (losing initiative ties), Jack Spasm can take a lair action to cause one of the following effects; he cannot use the same effect two rounds in a row:
The realm Jack Spasm inhabits is warped by his magic, creating one or more of the following effects:
If Jack Spasm dies and does not return, these effects end immediately, although it is likely to be some time before their absence is noticeable.
If Jack Spasm causes a creature to go mad, roll on the following table to determine the nature of the madness.
| d6 | Flaw (lasts until cured) |
|---|---|
| 1 | Lego Pirates of the Caribbean is not being played enough! |
| 2 | My personality is irrelevant. I am defined by who I oppose. |
| 3 | Violence is a great solution to all my problems. |
| 4 | I become convinced that things are true, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. |
| 5 | I have difficulty with the idea that change is or has been afoot.* |
| 6 | I think I know more about others and their plans than I really do.* |
If a creature affected by this madness is exposed to a 5-fodder song, it may make a DC 19 Wisdom saving throw. If the saving throw fails by 5 or more, there is no effect. If it fails by 4 or less, add 1 to the result of all repeated attempts at the saving throw. On a successful save, the creature is cured of the madness.
This page is a knockoff of 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons. More specifically, it was written going off an expansion to the 5th edition Monster Manual titled Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes (hereafter referred to as MToF). The expansion makes several demon lords available as opponents in the game, which provided the template for this page, with the statistics block, lair actions, regional effects, and Madness Of table.
I made one change to the template. MToF instructed to use percentile dice when rolling on a Madness table, but I was unsure if I saw the point in making a roll that could have 100 different results when the table only had five or six options on it.
While covering demons, MToF also offered tables of quirks that demon characters can be given. I have determined which of these Jack Spasm would have. The one from the Personality Traits table that fits is I will do anything to survive. Anything.
The option on the Demon Ideals that matches Jack Spasm is the self-preservation one. The only bond a demon can have is believing itself to be a perfect product of creation, destined to one day shape the cosmos to its whims, and if there was ever an exception Jack Spasm is not it. As for the flaw, I would say I act based on instinct, rarely with a plan
describes Jack Spasm best, although My natural inclination is to grovel and beg for the favor of those stronger than me
does not sound unlike him either.